I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m always sad to see the back of summer. I don’t think my body is built for any other season.
At work, I’m always the one wearing fingerless gloves and clutching onto the radiator, recoiling in horror as others are asking each other if they can open the windows a little more.
Despite this, I’ve tried to stay positive and find the things that I like about this time of year.
I’ll admit, the red and orange leaves on the ground are so pretty at the moment and it’s really fun to go out of your way to dance through them. I’ve liked wearing my big chunky Dr Marten boots and feeling the softness of a new scarf against my skin. And a big thick duvet is really nice and comforting.
But I’ve also felt myself withdrawing from social plans and losing enthusiasm for some things I normally enjoy. Food for example. I’ve lost interest in food a bit. I can’t be bothered to cook anything and I’ve been like this for months.
I haven’t been swimming in ages either. The other day, I thought I could trick myself into wanting to go. I got all my stuff prepared the night before so I could just grab my bag and leave. And on the day, I just thought ‘meh’. I just wanted to stay inside, in the warm. I don’t want to go outside unless I absolutely have to.
It doesn’t help that I hate driving home in the dark – the last week or so has been horrible because I’ve been so dazzled by the bright lights of other cars that by the time I get home I have a raging headache. So I definitely don’t want to go out after work because I feel rubbish.
I hope this doesn’t come across as ‘woe is me’… I know there are people suffering with depression and anxiety who are far worse off than me. I know this is not the same thing. I don’t mean to demean those people in any way, but also want to acknowledge that this time of year ALWAYS makes me feel just a little bit down. And I think that’s ok. I think I have to allow myself to be ok about that.
For about five years I’ve thought that perhaps I’ve got Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and I should get one of those SAD lamps. I don’t think there’s any ‘perhaps’ about it though, this happens every year. But I’ve never done anything about it. I realised the time has come and I couldn’t put it off any more. The lamps aren’t cheap, but I figured if they help just the smallest amount, it’ll be worth it.
So I bought one about a week ago – I chose a SAD Solutions Blue Light – and have been using it for a few days. By the way, this is not sponsored in any way, I just wanted to share this with you and I’ll keep you updated on the difference it makes!
I also recently got some new fairy lights, just because fairy lights make me happy. Candles make me feel happy too, so every evening when I do snuggle up in the warm, I put on some fairy lights and light some candles and I feel a tiny percentage more ok.
So that’s what I’m doing: I’m seeing the light in the dark.