At the end of every week I normally do a bit of a round up of things that I’ve been up to but this feels a bit more worthy in its place this week.
I like to think I’m normally a relatively upbeat person. But something’s happened recently. And I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. But I just haven’t been feeling quite ‘myself’.
You know occasionally you’ll have one of those days where everything keeps going wrong. They’ll be silly little things but there’ll be lots of them. Maybe you’ll wake up late and you’ll spill your cup of tea down yourself. Then you’ll trap your finger in a door hinge. Then hit your head on something. And every little thing makes you want to cry a little bit more. Yeah one of those lovely days. Well I’ve been having those kinds of days a lot recently.
Not that everything’s been going wrong for me per se, but I just feel like I want to cry a bit.
I know, poor little me, right? I’m not going to go into everything that’s going on as I know other people have things so much worse that me and my problems will seem so trivial in comparison but I feel a bit like everything’s getting on top of me recently and I need a bit of an outlet. Or at least a way of letting things go.
Some days I know I can deal with things, tackle them head on and get on with it all. Other days I feel a bit like I’m drowning and don’t know where to start. There have been more of the latter recently. I find myself just staring blankly into space, knowing I have loads of things to deal with but not knowing how to go about them, where to even start.
And it’s definitely affecting me physically. I woke up one day this week with a bit of a headache (not unusual, I have chronic migraine so I have a headache every day) but it gradually started getting worse until it started pounding. And then all of a sudden, it’s like someone clicked their fingers and I needed to be sick. Immediately.
Back to bed I went, with an eye mask and lots of water until my head and tummy calmed themselves down.
Ironically, only the night before I’d been to a really inspiring and helpful workshop about self care and avoiding burnout. I’d laugh if it weren’t so sad.
I’m hoping it’s just a weird temporary thing and once I get on top of everything – that is, looking after myself as well as sorting out all the physical tasks I need to do – that I’ll feel back on track. Back to my ‘normal’ self. I know that I need to make more time to look after myself properly – for my own physical and mental health – but I think sometimes it’s just helpful to hear someone telling you that. To validate it. To give you permission to look after yourself.
I’ll get there!